Grief...the dictionary's definition is as follows.keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.
To some degree, we all are in a state of grief. So many things happen in our lives that we have a hard time dealing with, overcoming and letting go. I think my grief began early on in my life. My parents divorcing impacted me a lot more than I knew. The things that followed in my life began to mold my thinking about what a marriage is. When you have a distorted view of such things, it impacts your life. In more ways than you would imagine. Yes, I grew up and had a good life as a youth, but went on to my own marriage and family, only to repeat the same as my parents. I went to church as a young girl and was Baptized as well, but I truly do not believe that I knew what I was doing. I didn't live my life for Jesus then. Yes, I believed in Him, but I did not live like I knew him most times.
When I got married, I didn't go to church and neither did the rest of my family. (husband and kids) When I thought about it, satan did everything in his power to place things in the way. He's been doing that all my life. It's his job. After the divorce, I still didn't go to church. In fact...I made myself so busy that I didn't make time. I worked two jobs and tried to continue my education. Two years after the divorce, I remarried. He was my knight in shining armor that came to rescue me from the muck and the mire. He protected me from my ownself, most times. The blended family was in full swing and a rocky road it was. Chris and I didn't live our lives for Christ at first either. We partied most weekends, and did what we wanted to do. Our first child came along shortly after we were married...4 years later, our 2nd child arrived. Both boys. It was shortly after the birth of our second son, that we began going to church. This is where God began to take my already deep seated grief and begin a work in me. Not long after we had been going to church regularly, the pastor of the church approached Chris and I about ministry work. Yes...you read that right. He asked us to come aboard as staff in the preschool ministry. It was something that hadn't really been done before. A husband and wife team. We prayed about it, and decided that this was indeed what God wanted, so in 1996, Chris and I surrendered to the ministry as Preschool Coordinators at Baptist Temple Church in Oklahoma City and went on to the entire Children's Ministry. Satan was NOT happy at all now! How could this be...I thought I had them. A new round of grief began for me. The attacks of the evil one were harsh for not only me but for my husband. When you are living for Jesus, and doing right, you will know it, because the attack on your life will grow. I truly believe in the statement, "You must be doing something right, if you are in the middle of heavy persecution." Satan doesn't have a problem with those who aren't following the Lord. He picks on the ones following.
During our ministry at BT, things happened. Our lives were changed in so many positive ways, but also some not so positive ways. We were challenged, both in ministry and in our marriage. Chris ministered Bi-vocationally there, so a "real job" was going on too. Things happened in our marriage and our personal lives that we are not proud of at all. Choices that would forever remain in our memories. When you come into marriage with junk (grief), and you add a little more junk (grief) to the mix...it is hard to manage the load. Junk...we ALL have it. Learning to let go of it...unpack that bag of junk...leave it on the curb. Not easy stuff. Yes...even for ministers and their family.
To be continued.....
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